I feel like killing myself, but I’m scared. I’ve been sharming for the past year because of my mom. At every turn she finds a way to blame me. I could just be dramatic but idk. She’s a republican, Christian, white woman (who is also a Gen X). She doesn’t like trans ppl, she doesn’t like lgbt (she says she supports them but you can tell she has internal homophobia), and she doesn’t like the fact that ppl like to or want to get body mods. I am all three. I’m gender-fluid, bisexual, and I really want a bunch of body mods. Every time I bring smth up that I’m passionate abt or smth (like lgbt, body shit, food, etc.), she brushes it off and it always ends up in an argument. I’m so close to actually committing but I’m scared of pain and I don’t know where I’ll go. I want to be a different religion but I’m scared I’ll go to hell. And I can’t tell her anything. She’ll js turn it into a lecture. I’m js ready to turn eighteen so I can fucking move to Europe and join the army.