i have been completely unable to trust people (including family/friends that i know would never hurt me) ever since my best friend betrayed me. the lack of trust is becoming a massive problem in my relationships and isolating is the only thing that feels safe anymore. i freaked the hell out in front of my girlfriend last night and had a panic attack that went on endlessly. it strengthened my resolve that she and everyone i care about are 100% better off without me. i ruin everything i touch and am constantly suffocating in such hideous feelings. “sorry” is becoming my entire vocabulary. i go to therapy and do my best to not get in my head about how other people perceive me but no matter what i do nothing helps or fixes it. i am on the precipice of some fucked up self destruction but at this point i don’t even care. i just want everything to be over and for my family to finally be rid of me. im assuming no one is gonna read or see this, but im bored and can’t sleep. sorry