I've been self-harming since elementary school, I'm 18 now, but I've been clean for awhile. I don't want to die I just want to distract myself from what's happening in my house. My mom has only ever been in abusive relationships me and my siblings whole life, so I've only ever feared for our lives. She's in a new relationship now and he's been hitting her, he threatens our lives, and made us stay outside all night several times. But after he'd say how he loves her and us, how he'd do anything for us. He's the reason I relapsed. The other day the were arguing and I got ptsd from their past arguments, I started self-harming but this time I wanted him to see what he's making me feel like I need to do just for him to leave. He didn't end up seeing- I feel stupid because I knew it wouldn't have mattered to him. So I just went to my brothers house for a few days, but when I came back my mom made me and my sister apologize for being “rude” to him the day we left… I don't see my mom has my mom