i hate being chronically ill and having to constantly choose what to sacrifice just to keep my head above water, and I hate that I still can't keep up with other people and will never be able to. academic burnout is so horrible, while my life consists of budgeting my energy like either showering or eating a cooked meal. i wish i was terminally ill instead or just dead but im too scared of actually killing myself. i don't want to live that way
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