Reasons I hate myself. I think too much of being a good person that I'm secretly desperate for reassurance. I failed a year. I've ghosted friends. I've ran away from things that scare me. I know my problems yet feel incapable of solving them. I am a hypocrite who wants others to love themselves because it hurts to see them do what I do. I feel terrified of people and am slightly paranoid that they would hurt me if they could. I am so drained to live productively. I forgot whatever dreams and goals that used to make me excited. I forget myself sometimes cus I'm avoidant. So I struggle to be honest in the sense I get overwhelmed when I feel I need to. I just want someone to stay but I'll push myself away so they don't need to go through that. Even this anonymous vent is making me feel like running away. I've been stuck in this unhealthy mental state for a long while