I'm so tired of being miserable. For the first time, I genuinely feel like asking the question what was so wrong with me, that things ended up like this? I just want to have a normal mood. I just want the idea of killing myself seem like a distant nightmare. I just wanna wake up to a life I'm looking forward to. Wish I cut my feelings out, just be rational and grateful. It could always be worse, right? I'm barely holding on but it wouldn't be worthwhile to blame anything else.