i want to be r**** again . :( im hooking up with a guy soon who i feel really safe and comfortable with already but a small part of me hopes he will hurt me. its disgusting, i know, and i know i should be working on healing myself. im an adult. but the last time i was hurt was only 4 years ago and i only recently stopped repressing the fact that i was sexually assaulted and abused by family once i moved back out of their house..