My uncle just died and i dont FEEL sad i dont know what to feel and i pains me i cry, the sadness is there i just dont feel it. it doesnt seem real. the death deems very real; the emotion doesnt. like i want to be able to move on back to my routine without it being brought up but i know that wont happen. i want to distract myself but i either feel like i should be doing something to actually mourn but this is me mourning. i think. i dont know what to do. my friends bday party is tommorow. i want to go and distract myself with it but i feel ill end up breaking down and making HER day about me and i just dont know what to do with myself. i try and sleep and i overthink, i try and read and i cant focus, i try to scroll and i feel lazy. you dont have to respond, just, interact somehow if you can so i know somebody saw this.