bloodstream has ruined me in ways i can't understand. it's making me realize all my younger trauma with my dad. it was terrible. i knew not to trust him when i was 5. i should love my dad not feel a raw sense of fear. not to be scared if i anger him to the point he hits me. what was enough? anytime he yelled at me i cried. i couldn't not cry. the way he would say he didnt care about me, and made me feel like a stupid little girl who has no sense of anything. i shouldn't have felt that. i should've felt like a kid. not a bitch. i cried to my mom wondering why my dad just couldn't love me. why i couldn't just be the kid he wanted.
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