i don't have my life together. i failed out of college the first time because i almost never went to class, and when i did, i never did any homework. i wasn't going around town, having fun or fooling around. i just never went to class. i barely left my room. it felt like i just had no motivation. i felt like a lazy loser. i still feel like i'm just lazy. i still struggle with motivation. looking back on my (first) college years, i now think maybe i was actually depressed, just not to a suicidal degree. i was mostly a shut in. i dropped out but never told anyone. i lied about it to everyone. don't know if they all believed me, but no one ever questioned me about it or tried to get me any help so either they all didn't realize the truth or they just didn't care. for a few years after dropping out, all i did was work and walk and hole up in my room. i barely ate. some days, i survived on a bag or 2 or m&ms because i felt i need to at least get enough calories, if didn't actually eat meals