tried working for a bit but struggled still with motivation. my mind still tells me i'm just lazy. a part of me says it's depression, but my judgemental self still tells me i'm just lazy, that that's what's wrong with me, not any kind of mental health issue. i take community college classes now, in subjects that i used to be interested in, but it's become a struggle because somewhere along the way, i lost interest. i don't know how or why. sometime during or just after the pandemic lockdowns, what was so fun to do no longer seemed as fun. it became a struggle to actually go do what i used to enjoy so much. i can't find the energy or interest in languages or dance or botany or geography that i used to have. it's nice to read about and when i see dance videos or neat maps, i still think it'd be nice to learn to do or make that, but then once i stop watching the videos or looking at the maps, i don't feel any motivation to try anymore. and it just feels like laziness