i hate being trans. that's not true. i hate this. I hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it. i dropped a folding table on my foot this morning. i dropped three folding chairs on the other foot. that's so far from the worst thing that happened to me today. nothing is going right. nothing. i sat on the fucking toilet for half an hour because i felt like puke. the worst thing that happened was that my mom told me she was going to keep deadnaming me and somehow managed to get *me* to apologize for that. I hate myself. I hate myself so fucking much im not suicidal but it comes into my head. i want to just. turn myself off like a fucking robot. and just be completely inert for a week. im miserable. i hate it i hate it i hate it. fuck this fuck all of this. im so angry im so sad im so fucking helpless. one of my dear friends is in constant pain and fear and i can't do shit about it. one of my friends has been in an awful depressive episode for months. half of my friends are suicidal.-