i am surrounded by so many, but i am familiar to none. the loneliness is consuming me and i want to just finally cry. really cry. a wave of deep sadness is trying to overcome me, though i survive it each time. it walks alongside me and never truly leaves. i tell myself that it's because i pay too much attention to the feeling, and that i should just ignore it; move past it, if there really is no solution. i feel imprisoned, though i know i don't need to be. i look ahead and feel trapped. so blinded by the fog that i can barely think or decide what it is that i would instead be doing besides the equally blurred and uncertain future. the perpetually "soon" or "next year" wedding for the last 10 years. vacations that can never just seem to be him and me (why is his family's attendance mandatory). how my own virtually do not consider me anymore. how people see us as a package deal, and how inadequate that makes me feel. i'm not unpleasant. but i am not, and never will be, enough.