I feel like I will never socially catch up to people my age. I try to find stuff going on but it's just volunteering and board game nights with older people. This isn't helping me, nor do I like it. I missed out on crucial social development because I had extreme social anxiety and never talked to anyone at school or made friends. I definitely didn't have a high school experience, and it seems I won't have a college experience either. I cannot accept the fact I'm stuck like this, so I really wanna try to fix it. Maybe when I'm 40, I will finally stop being socially powerless. But one of my deepest regrets will always be being an involuntary loser in the prime years of my life. I'll never know what I missed; I may never even find a girlfriend to make it all worth it, even when I dig myself out of the hole - all the normal sane people will be married. It makes me feel very dejected I'm alive but can't participate in life.