I miss them too much, I thought I was getting over them finally. Then my partner brought up our ex friend and I went back to my old ways of checking their socials and wanting to write to them. Its far too late now to go back and apologize about what I had done, but I still wish to. And if my partner knew, I would be thoroughly yelled at about "I thought you were on my side" or something like that. But what they don't know is how much R helped me out when my partner didn't. I wanted to die, tried to overdosed, found out I was genderfluid, aroace, and was cutting myself at the time. And I threw that whole friendship away for a relationship I don't know I want anymore half the time. They helped me, I helped them, maybe not on the same level and that's why I don't want to reach out, but I wished they came back so I can tell them I'm sorry. I know they probably hate me, hope I never reach out, or who knows. But I wish there was a sign that they still know I'm here. I miss you R.