2026 i literally have no real logical explanation for “life”. I dont wish this on anyone. Went into 2026 off a fresh break up. Truck engine then blew up from bad oil change no insurance, or warranty covered it. Truck got repo now in debt. Ex then made me go into serious debt over vehicle/bills. Then i lost my job i had for past 3 years. 2 months later i meet a girl i was falling in love with we connected on every level, literally my soul mate. She got shot leaving her best friends house. That f’d me up……… hugged and kissed her before she left my house for work not knowing that id never see her again. Week later i get a full panel test done for std’s, etc. i tested positive for hsv-1, and 2.... at this point i went into a dark place mentally. I grabbed my 9mm loaded it and put the gun to my head to try and feel something. It was like my day to day visual was a dream. You know? I didnt even get an adrenaline rush when that gun touched right above my ear……Im dead but alive……..