i just wish i was normal. like a normal person that goes outside and does normal people things. i hate feeling so trapped inside a home that doesn't even feel like how a home should. it's not that i don't feel safe here, i do.. but i don't want to be here alone in the same room almost every second of my life. i can't be bothered to try and make changes. i'm sick of being told that i can make changes and everything will get better. what's the point in hoping that it'll get better someday when i want it to be better now. how is it going to get better when i can't make it better. i know i'm going to be livng like hell for my whole life and it's never going to change. i'm never going to be comfortable, i'm never going to be safe, i'm never going to be happy. i'm just going to be stuck in a world that destroys me just for the way i was born. why is me not being able to ever be human supposed to make me hope for the future and how everything might change. no it won't.