I really feel like I'm getting weaker by the day. All my life I've been an ill kid, and now that I'm in my 20s things aren't looking much better. My health is declining, I'm feeling weak, my knee joints deteriorate, I constantly have a fever and no amount of tests can tell what it is, and everyone around is just going on with their normal happy healthy lives while I feel like I'm rotting. I wish I was a third person to look at my life from afar. I wish I could hug myself, think "well, I did what I could" and carry on to my normal life. I wish I wasn't me. Anyone but me. I'm genuinely thinking I will die in my 40s. I don't want to. I didn't ask for this. My friends smoke, drink, live a dangerous lifestyle and they're completely fine. I don't understand why this is happening to me and I don't think I ever will. Nobody cares. It's the norm for them. I want to fall asleep in my room and never have to wake up again.