I wish I had the discipline to be aneorexic. im so jealous of how people can just starve. I try to starve but I just get headaches and body aches and I just cant i like food too much. im so over weight for a number of reasons but i hate being judged by others. on one hand i enjoy some fat privledge: the creepy comments about my body from my family stay about "you need to lose weight" wheras if i was skinny lord knows what they would say when i finally have a "good body" also fat keeps creeps away and keeps me safe. but i wish i fit in good clothes, i wish i didnt stand out too much i wish i was pretty i wish my character was judged and not my weight. i wish i was pretty enough to have friends that like to go out and dance at the club. i know i cant have the best of both worlds i know i dont have the means to lose weight yet, but the pressure has always been there since I was 4. i indulge i stress eat i disgust. i wish i could excersize easily.