I was thinking of community. I'm a lonely person. I still want community and friends. My friends die and are lost to me. Some are dead and many are disconnected from me. I don't want to persue friends if they don't want to make an effort to persue me. So many years are gone. Even new friends are disposable for me and I think I want long friendships but I don't know if that's possible. People who think they know me think I am a good man and I worry that is a toxic confirmation bias of so called friend groups in modern times. I am tired and alone. I'm used to this but this is also why I don't fear death. I welcome it. If I die, if my enemies die. I want death. It's been my only friend that always stays with me.