im really tired im doing a lot better than i was several months ago but im still exhausted. i dont want to keep going because i genuinely dont know how long i can keep holding on for anymore. but at the same time i am so scared. im scared if i do it, i wont have the future that everyone raves about and that gives me fomo. im tired of switching between im amazing to im completely empty and no energy. i probably wont ever do it, but in my genuinely bad times, i had the tingling, serious thoughts of doing it (felt like i was itching to do it), i "experimented" with a light chain and a small distance, and a hypothetical plan to do it but all this was because i wasnt in the right mind. im scared that one day, it will get bad again and il end up doing something reckless