after how many years. I think I finally have a deadline for myself. I realize how unfair I was for hoping people would just notice and maybe care and maybe if I was lucky, even help. I was stupid for thinking that. I am just so done with everything. I have tried but everything I do it just gets worse and worse. I don't even care if my grades are dropping anymore, I don't care if I have to wear pants and long sleeves, I don't care about all of this. I don't know how some people can go through such horrible things yet can be so resilient. It makes me feel so pathetic and I am so so sorry. I feel so pathetic that I think and have the audacity to say I need help because I know people out their are struggling the same way or worse. At this point I think I would rather get worse.