I thought I healed. I spiralled again after seeing her. I hate this happening to me. My luck is so bad. She has become prettier and is happy. I don't want her back. I made her important and special, i revoked the access, but the past is haunting me Months of healing, spiral, again months of healing, again spiral This loop is killing me inside I have excellent rebound capability but universe randomly beats the living shit out of me Not her, my whole past years have been bad. I loved my childhood. The present and future is utterly bad. I just want to live life bro. Others' lives are happening and I'm here sucking dick in a loop, it's wonderful. I want to quit bro. It's getting unbearable. I'm losing hair, my looks are ageing -unnessarily- i know age and life is inevitable, but current circumstances are accelerating my biological ageing. I have gray hair, I have no income, live off my parents, will hit 30s soon. I just want god to lift me up but he's playin with me.