I just want to stop existing. I don't know how to deal with the burden of how useless I used to be, and it's like no matter how much I try now I can't reach some state of worthiness that i lack, no matter how hard I try. The worst part is how nobody else sees it. Everybody treats me like I'm whole, and that's such a big expectation. Maybe if everyone else knew I was worthless, I could find some way to redeem myself. Instead, I have to be always caught up in trying to meet how highly they think of me so they never find out I'm just a useless human. I want so badly to shed that skin, but the responsibility for everything I never did, everything I lack, is latched tightly to my back. I know it just takes time. But I can't stand more time passing without anything changing. My mom thinks I'm just bad with time management. She doesn't swe the daily hours spent in frustration that I can't stop procrastinating and that I can never truly rest. Is that why I want to be dead? Not to worry?