I’m not ok. I wish I could talk to someone about how I really feel, but everytime I try to be honest with my feelings, I get scared and I back out. I dumb it down, or I downplay how I actually feel to the point where only I know that I am not ok. I force myself to smile, I force myself to be energetic when it reality I just want to curl into a ball and sob until my throat looses its voice. I feel tears behind my eyes, but because I’ve repressed them for so long, I cannot let them free. I wish I didn’t hold my tongue, I wish I could just shout everything that pisses me off or upsets me, and not worry that saying my truth will change the relationships in my life. I’m supposed to be the one people can come to, I’m supposed to be the one that is always ok, and never upset. Never against anything, I’m not allowed to be sad. And I’m terrified that when the day that I do snap comes, that everyone is going to leave me.