I miss my mom and sister. I miss eating what I like, doing what I want on my time. All I do is stay in my room alone while he is in his. The only interactions I have with him is when it is breakfast, lunch or dinner, laundry, cleaning. I have no discernible feeling for how I feel, I hate not knowing how to put a name to what this ugly feeling in my head is. I know I am melancholy but I hate this solitude. The only food I am allowed to eat is what he serves me. I am sick and tired of eating TV dinners, I want to cook my own food to my own tastes. My husband doesn't let me go out, he is so scared I will catch something get sick and die. Sometimes I wonder if it would be better to die than live like this.