Every year around July I get this same feeling, Sadness, pressure, guilt. It always circles back to my dad. He puts a tremendous amount of pressure on me, micromanages everything I do, and to top it off he criticizes me when I'm burnt out. Maybe my yearly July sadness isn't only tied to that, but it does add to it. I also always feel like there has been something wrong with me, I feel as if I am neurodivergent in someway. But tying back to my dad, I can never express my emotions around him. I feel when I do I get a immense amount of judgement from him. He brushes things off that should be a sign as me being in his words, "undisciplined". Which again I believe has led to my anxious thoughts that I feel are swallowing me whole. I also have school, sports, and more on top of my broken nervous system. Not to mention, I am also deeply insecure about my appearance, so that never helped anyones already crippling confidence. Maybe one day I'll feel what it's like to truly be content.