I’ve never told anyone, anyone in the world this. I’ve said my other considerably worse darker secrets, like my SA and my previous bad tendencies. I live in complete filth. I hate living here. I hate it so so much. It’s a bit my fault, but I like to blame my family for never cleaning. My room is so disgusting, the bugs are so disgusting. The worst part is that I’m still in love with my ex. Even though we are friends now, not a day goes by where I don’t think of him, hell, maybe even an hour. He’s so beautiful, I’ve seen his room, so nice and clean. Every time I’m with him it’s like I’m strangling my heart to not love him in the moment. He doesn’t deserve someone as disgusting as me. I’m so gross, fat and ugly. I hate myself. I’m not good at anything, my guitar skills suck, I write terrible lyrics and I’m a fucking idiot. I’m not even good at his favorite game I started playing for him. Why am I even trying to get his love back? Oh baby, if only you knew how much I need you…