i feel kinda empty emotionally right now? idk why i hate having depression...i just be going through my day, and then i suddenly feel lonely, hopeless, and existentially terrified, over a lot of deep, complicated social fears that seemingly have no solution. i hate how i pose so many questions in life and yet have so few answers. sometimes i wish i knew less, just so i wouldn't be cursed with the knowledge of how my existence is merely just...a vain loop of nothing, and how i have to hurt other people and benefit from the suffering of the many just so i myself can survive, all while being powerless to fix or truly change anything. i also hate being closeted, pre-transition, and unable to do anything about my dysphoria. wasting away my teenage years living a fake "boy" life i never wanted, and by the time i can be myself, i'm already gonna be an adult with so many responsibilities and worries that i won't have any chance to enjoy myself, so i'll never be able to live an authentic, c