No matter how happy I get I always think about kms. what if I tried a third time? my lucky number is 3, with my OCD I have to tap things three times or else I'll feel like it lingering or I'm missing something, if I don't I it feels like I can't do anything else except tap it or do whatever I'm doing a third time. It lingers just like that. like maybe third time's the charm? but I don't wanna hurt my friends and family. I care too much. but it will always come back to those thoughts. I think of all my mistakes and regrets and how the only way to fix them is kms because that will make the guilt go away. they say that it'll go away eventually but it's been 6 years. how long do I have to wait? whenever I say this stuff to others it feels useless cuz I know I won't do it. all it does is make them worry. I don't need help, I won't even do anything about the thoughts. I'll still be here. I'm just tired man. I want my brain to shut up. this is hovering over me everyday. just leave me alone.