I have a boyfriend but its starting to feel like he doesnt love me, and "loves" me for the lable. I love him but it doesnt feel like he loves me the way i love him. It doesnt help that one of my friends i have known for so long has made me feel like a real person, and i am confusing those feelings with love and i desire for her but i cannot do anything becaues its wrong. I have expressed my feelings and fear for my thoughts and desires for her. I havent told my boyfriend because he doesnt exactly communicate with me very well. we dont have issues that occur where talking about things is needed. We talk almost at least 5 times a day which is fine with me. My feelings are all over the place and im so close to losing my fucking head. Nothing with my life feels real, Im going to college in a few months, my grandma hates me and my cat. This world was not made for me and my favor and its showing. I dont want to die. I dont want to end it, I just wish things werent so complicated. Im tired.