i'm so close to relapsing. i'm nearly 2 years clean of sh but i genuinely can't take it anymore i need to feel something. i'm craving it so badly. i just want to feel it. the only thing stopping me is that it'll leave a scar and i think being even more ugly than i already am would just send me into suicide and i don't really want to die but i'm kinda at the point where i think it's not really worth it to be alive. my therapist would be like "name the things that keep you going" but like at this point it's just my boyfriend. i love him so much but i haven't been able to talk to him in over a week which isn't even that long so i feel highkey insane for wanting to literally die over it. like wtf is wrong with me. isn't it insane that i have friends and family that care about me but i still want to die? i'm so selfish.