I’m so focused on my weight, I think it’s becoming a really bad problem. I find myself weighing my own weight daily, hoping that somehow I drop 20 pounds. And I don’t fucking get it. I exercise the fuck out of my body, I play hockey at a very competitive level, but no matter what I do I feel like I’ll never look good in a crop top. I try not to be jealous of my other friends, but they’re all so skinny and thin and pretty, and it’s not fair how they make it look effortless. Yeah, sure, maybe they just have rlly fast metabolism, like good for them, but why can’t I have that? My parents say “oh, you’re all muscle! Your a good athlete, be grateful your not skinny like this girl, all skin and bones” but like please shut the FUCK UP. I want to look like anything but how I look rn. I my worst nightmare is just turning to the side in front of the mirror, and looking at how fucking ugly I am, no matter how hard I try to fix it, to see it differently, to accept myself. I’ll always be ugly.