today july 4th i saw the fireworks and they were beautiful and it made me realize how happy i can potentially be. they showed colors and brightness and sparks like symbolizing joy and happiness and seeing it in person made it look so much more beautiful. when i saw it i wished to be happy, i wished to live but i also wished to die. i just wish i can live happily not like this anymore. if i were at home tonight i probably would’ve cut myself. maybe i should’ve committed, maybe not idk. but the fireworks just made me wish to be happy like how it looked.
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