I wanna kms. So a little context I’ve been feeling horrible all my life because I was involved in drugs through my mother at a very young age, and she would also drink a lot of alcohol making an unsafe environment for little 3 year old me. I still think about it and I can’t bear with it even though I live with my dad only now. It’s just hard to cope, even though I don’t think it impacts me it does, I feel nothing often and then a certain night that explodes basically and I wanna kms, because I feel so bad not feeling anything. It’s a coping mechanism I know but it affects me. I can’t even control it at this point.