i genuinely believe I am experiencing some sort of dissociation. in my day to day life i dont experience any sort of emotional variety. no anger, sadness etc i was molested, called a liar and then sent away for three months, yet i dont feel anything looking back. mother died, feel nothing. had horrible rumours spread about me, social and home life ruined, nothing. it is only when I am alone in my room with nothing to do that I become trapped in my own head and I hate it. I cant see any of my family the same, I hurt myself and turn to alcohol to distract myself from what's eating at the back of my brain. the emotions that have genuinely been bottled up for the entirety of my life suddenly overwhelm me when I try to sleep, or when there is a single moment of still life and silence where my brain is not occupied. all because I was told to "get over it", to "be strong."