im pathetic. I struggled with trauma ever since I practically gained consciousness, struggling with things like witnessing my mom being strangled by my father, and having to help. Also being stranded in a car in the middle of the road because my parents both tried killing themselves in a escalated argument. Basically, stuff like that kept going on until I was 12, when they divorced. But I didn't get therapy, or know how to deal with my reaction to the trauma. As the tears went on, the trauma messed with me more, and now im struggling with apathy. I rip the skin on my arms often with blades, and dont look for help. And now I struggle with daily problems, like my girlfriend seeming to lose interest and like her FRIENDS more than me, we've been dating for a year. My friends also seem to always be angry with me, and I feel annoying, stupid, and ugly. All this apathy and pent up emotions is just making me angry and lashing out. but I want to be happy, I really do. ill be this way forever.