i feel so scared and i feel dirty thinking about whats happened and how it keeps happening and i just want to wash my whole body off i feel like a little kid again i feel so alone i cant feel clean

Hey I need like support I'm too scared to tell my mom because I don't want to get sent away I wouldnt be able to chat with my BFFs and they are honestly the only things keeping me from com1tting I really need help but I feel so broken that help isn't even going to help me and I just want it to be like when I was in first grade again, a 13 year old shouldn't have to go through this and yet I still am what do I do.

I never stick with something long enough... im not diagnosed, but i suspected before that I might have adhd, my brother has it, and we are quite similar.. I guess something about girls being teached to hide things.. anyway... I had plenty of interests.. but they all come and go. I lost count of how many things I liked and dropped within 2 weeks. Which is why, I can never succeed in one field. When I decide to finally step up and do something to reach an audience I give it my all in first week's. And then my motivation drops, I see more successful people, or the ones who stick with something and master it.. i could never be them. How do they do it..why can't I?