I love but hate my eldest brother. So for some context, my brother is trans, he lives with my grandparents, he's mentally unstable and disabled, and he has suicidal tendencies, he's diagnosed, adhd, autism, and sociopathy so there a LOT going on. So, usually when I go to my grandparents, there's at least two arguments between my brother and my grandparents. There's a lot of yelling, and throwing, maybe police if its that bad and then usually my brother tries to off me or himself which has obviously made me extremely afraid to go to my grandparents. Like, this one time, I was trying to go to sleep and my brother was in the same room as me and he literally started choking me. Like so hard and long that there was red marks around my neck. I was about 6 then. Then there was a time he punched a mirror and cut himself (yes I saw the blood it was terrifying for 6 year old me). And like the amount of times the police have came is MENTAL. I mean the cops were always nice..