I feel selfish for wanting to kill myself. I've suffered from depression for the last year, stopped my medication months ago, nothing brings me joy anymore, and my psychologist wants me in a ward. When I thing about ending it all, I look on my life and feel selfish about everything. My parents finally bought a house a few years ago, I have family all around me, I'm able to hang out with my friends anytime, and I'm in college getting a degree in two subjects I love. But I never told my parents about my struggles, I've always felt isolated from my family since childhood, I don't ask friends for help even if they know, and multiple classes/advisors are tearing me up. I often think about overdosing on my medication and other pills I find with any alcohol in my place to finally release myself. But I also imagine that I call for help last minute to save myself; mostly to torture and to justify the feeling, for being a bad child, friend, and student. But maybe to look for something to living.