I dont feel fine

I hate how everyone in my family is talking about my cousin . I mean its my dad, mom aunts, brothers everyone is talking about how strong she will be one day.. It makes me angry why does nobody see me like that.. All I ever wanted was to prove myself and I always get over shadowed by that bitch. She's younger yes I know how bad this sounds but I remember one day she told me my older brother liked her more and she beamed with pride and I wanted to bitch slap her but I didn't..I can't wait to one day be better than her.. This time I'II be the one overshadowing her. And like Naruto once said , "Believe it"

) im tired of my parents judgement on me my mom is super helicopter mom I don’t feel any privacy in this house anyways since I was little I was raised the traditional way everything about me had to be perfect and anytime I stood infornt of my mom talking to her just standing there she starts bringing up my flaws which caused me to get body dysmorphia at 8 crazy right? I wish it stopped there she didn’t find any flaws about me academically (I haven’t got below 100 in 4 years with my lowest grade being 99.97) she still threatens me about that stuff while on the other hand my dad is around but isn’t present he’s either In a another country or at my uncles house I lived in fear for several years my mom accuses me of having no mercy but when I was 7 I would hear her saying(oh if I didn’t commit sucide this week I wouldn’t be me) while she was overwhelmed I would count down the daystill the week ends and stay by her what hurt me most was afterI sat at the kitchen table knife inhand abt tokms