) im tired of my parents judgement on me my mom is super helicopter mom I don’t feel any privacy in this house anyways since I was little I was raised the traditional way everything about me had to be perfect and anytime I stood infornt of my mom talking to her just standing there she starts bringing up my flaws which caused me to get body dysmorphia at 8 crazy right? I wish it stopped there she didn’t find any flaws about me academically (I haven’t got below 100 in 4 years with my lowest grade being 99.97) she still threatens me about that stuff while on the other hand my dad is around but isn’t present he’s either In a another country or at my uncles house I lived in fear for several years my mom accuses me of having no mercy but when I was 7 I would hear her saying(oh if I didn’t commit sucide this week I wouldn’t be me) while she was overwhelmed I would count down the daystill the week ends and stay by her what hurt me most was afterI sat at the kitchen table knife inhand abt tokms

I am so tired of waking up and feeling like my body is a stranger. Every mirror, every outfit, every passing glance reminds me that the outside refuses to match the inside. I want a cure—something that just flips a switch and makes this ache stop, because living like this is exhausting. It’s infuriating that something so fundamental to who I am is treated like a problem I have to fix alone. I’m fed up with explanations, with compromises, with people minimizing how much this hurts. I deserve to feel at home in my skin, and I’m done pretending patience is enough when what I need is relief.

I might give up soon. Ive tried to ask for help but I think its just going to end like this... I dont think I matter to anyone enough for them to want me to stay here. I dont know if I want to leave...but whats the point if not one cares about you? All I want is to feel loved and to know im wanted. I might just do it, I might give up. Its not like anyone would miss me that much. Even though I want someone to tell me they'd miss me more then anything. I want someone to tell me they love me, truely and I want them to tell me that im worth something. If everyone woke up tommorow without me there im sure the grief wouldn't last very long. I want to believe it would, but i feel like im just nothing... I want someone to tell me im not and tell me I am something but Its just not going to happen. If I dont wake up one of these days, then ill never get to grown up fully, get a job or do anything I slightly like.. but does it really matter that much? Does it matter if I weren't here tommorow?