Every time I speak up or share something, the conversation stops. There is no value in what I think or how I feel or who I am. It’s proven time and time again. I never learn though. I think that maybe this time it’ll be different. It never is. Literally never. I could be chatting with loved ones, friends, family, strangers. I always halt the conversation. No one cares. I’m not trying to be emo or whatever, but it’s exhausting noticing this and still trying again and again. My value has always been compared to others too. First when I was a kid and my parents would outright compare my intelligence, beauty, athleticism, and character to that of my best friends’. Or when my sister who always referred to me as her best friend, and when I finally thought “hey maybe she means it”… she then ostracizes me when we are thousands of miles away on vacation surrounded by people only she knows. On a trip SHE invited me on. I spoke and not once was I heard. For a whole month. Two memorable examples.