dude I feel so fucking bad. I just- idk man. My mom was fucking crying, talking about how suicide isn’t the way out, and that it’s a sin and you won’t go to heaven, and honestly? I could give less of a shit about heaven but- dude she was crying because my older sister, Karina, tried to kill herself. My older sister with alcohol problems, charges with physical violence, who litterally ISNT my moms biological kid and tried to hit my other sister, and she’s still fucking crying. Telling me that if I ever feel this way, I should call for help and shit. To never leave her with that pain. How the fuck am I supposed to respond to that, when I have put the scissors to my neck multiple times? How the fuck do I respond to that when almost relapsed into self harm again, after almost half a year of being clean, JUST because I saw Karina? I was half way into a panic attack or something, I was hyperventilating really bad, my hands started trembling when she came in. I feel so fucking guilty.