I wish I could express myself more freely without having to double check. It hurts to think that I had to be so careful about what I say when all I want is just to express myself because I'm exhausted of trying to explain what it meant. Hurts to pretty damn think that I'm a teenager yet I had to be so damn careful in a household with a family with the same bloodline. Every time I think of expressing myself, I keep holding back because what if they would just put me aside again? They've never really asked about what I feel. Only what themselves. I barely experienced affection throughout my whole life because I was pushed aside like I didn't matter. I had to always think about what people think because what if I hurt them? It'll always end up being my fault despite the fact that I wasn't the one who iniated it. They've always wanted to make sure I was the one to blame, even if I wasn't part of anything they claimed. Favoritism existed in this damn household, and I was nobody's favorite.