I wish I had more things to look forward to, more to be happy about. I wish I felt more joy and fulfillment in life. I wish my happiness wasn't so short-lived, giving way to a baseline of darkness, doubt, and Sartresian nausea. My life is unfulfilling, always either dull and boring, or terrifying and endlessly painful. Everything around me feels grey and slow, like none of it is real. Nothing is real. I know something horrible is coming, but to make it worse, I don't even know what it is. I feel alone. I feel fake. Nothing is real. Why do I always hurt?
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