I just feel like my mental health is getting worse by the minute and I just want to die and my møther hates everything I really am she said if I come home with a short hair cut shed cry...and said other things.i cried after that I hate it when I cry I feel so pathetic and weak like I depend on ppl same as asking for help and I have really bad depression and I want to get help I want to get better but I can't,I can't tell my family why,I can't tell them why they hear someone crying at night why I do t ask 4 help and why i don't talk to them my mum is emotionally abusive and I hate it I was r*ped at a very young age 6 or 9?somewhere there I just want to commit so bad but I don't want to leave the people that I could actually give a dawmn abt I can taste my actions so that's why I have kept up the self harm for so long and it silences my head when I bleed but I can't find anything good enough so everything I do i grab worse and worse stuff(usually scissors)I have tried a knife(wasn't good