it just hurts. I love him, I wish I could get that through his head and somehow make him feel secure in my arms, but I guess we both want too much. And its not that I dont want to see you or talk or overall interact with you, it's just that I want to so much that the sight or proximity of you leaves me a deer in headlights. I've let my walls down but kept my defensive behavior in fear of getting hurt yet I still did in the end. half of me wishes you'd see the pain and love I am in while the other is too fearful to speak and will fawn. I just love you, maybe I should've said it more, done more, anything. I'm not mad at you, I just miss you and it stabs my heart in a way I can't get rid of and its frustrating. All I wanted was you, I wanted to love you. 🦋