i feel like such a fucking freak. its why i felt for the longest time since i was 12 that the only thing i am good for, the only people that will tolerate me, is creepy old guys preying on and getting off to me telling them about my trauma with them promising to re enact it on me and break me until im a mess. i have never had consensual kiss or intimacy with a male. i punish my body so much for it, i have been cutting myself and starving and abusing myself and purposely triggering myself because i feel like its all i deserve . i just want a hug and a back rub without it turning into touching. i couldnt even have that and still got groped and molested. he was completely sober and in his right mind.