the weird thing about getting yourself help after months and months of horrible depression is when you actually get better. like wow, i had no will to live or do anything with my life for the past six months and now all of a sudden im felling better, taking care of myself, eating better, laughing with friends. now that my head is much more cleared up, i have to deal with the consequences of my actions from when i was depressed. i have to pick back up the pieces. and it feels impossible. i’ve missed out on a lot of things. i have to find new healthy coping mechanisms, build new routines that work for me, and start over again. it’s so scary getting better. i never planed to live to the end of this year. what the hell am i going to do now? i have no plans. but i know that i want to give life a second chance. i don’t know where to start. i’ve fucked a lot of shit up. but i’ll find a way.